When Life Makes Life Interesting

Therapy sessions always seem to get me a little down.  When we carry on with our day-to-day life, it is easy to kind of forget that the whole lymphedema thing is here to stay, or even that it isn’t what everyone else deals with.  The routine just becomes our normal.  Doesn’t everyone spend an hour a day massaging and wrapping her baby? No? 

I know a lot of people want their blog to be a source of inspiration for themselves and for others, and a positive place and (forgive me) blah, blah, blah.  I guess I understand that, not wallowing and all.  I’m not trying to throw a pity party, but I also want to keep track for myself how things really are.  I don’t think it’s helpful to paint a picture that isn’t true. Life is just so confusing, really; and complicated.  Confusing and complicated.  

This is not complicated, but rather it is confusing to me.  Why, when baby sign language is, you know, supposed to help with communication, is the sign for ‘t’ (for toilet obviously) used when no young child could easily make that sign?  Are you waving at me, baby, or do you have to poop?  Or (most likely) are you just checking out the fact that you now have control over your wrist movement? I guess I could just make all of my own up, but that would require a lot of mental energy that I don’t have. 

Also, really what am I supposed to feed my baby?  Everyone has a different opinion.  Egg yolk, bone broth, only vegetables, no vegetables at all, everything and anything, no dairy, dairy, grains, no grains until after age 1, no grains until after age 2, no grains ever.  Oy.  I just read the no vegetables thing yesterday and I wanted to just chuck my iPad across the room.  Juniper loves broccoli.  I have to say, it’s probably her most favorite thing yet.  She nods her little head up and down while she’s chewing like “this is good stuff, mama.”  Now, of course, I know that broccoli is a goiterous vegetable and her eating it at such a tender age will probably give her a thyroid disorder. 

Really though, these are all small things.  Someone else out there is dealing with big things, and someone else out there is dealing with really big things.  I know that.  I also know that Juniper seems to find her Dad’s fuzzy hair to be the most humorous thing in the world, as evidenced yesterday by her repeatedly grabbing it in the (interminably long) Target checkout line and laughing hysterically.  

Please note: We are not Jewish and Juniper wore this onesie over the weekend.  Daniel thought it looked coziest.  Also note that it isn't tucked into her woolies.  

So Long 2012

We had a unexpectedly crazy amount of snow last night.  Well, the amount wasn't really so crazy, but it was enough that it felt real.  We busted out the snowshoes and did a Gray family hike.  Juniper was a champ: she slept on the way up and was cheerfully awake on the way down.  

I don't even know what to say about this year really.  We've already gone from this

to this

in just seven months.  

Things are different now than I anticipated they'd be this time last year.  I'm different.  Juniper is different than I thought she'd be (for starters, she's a girl, and that kind of threw me for a loop).  She's different mostly because there was no way that I could know how amazing she would be, how much she would challenge me to be a better version of myself, and how I'd see how much I still need to learn.  

Juniper was baptized yesterday.  It was something I wasn't entirely sure we were going to do, but I am  glad that we did. There are windows behind the alter of the church, and snow started falling during the service.  It was beautiful.  It was also a reminder of how fleeting our time on this earth is, and how fragile we all are.  In the homily, the priest spoke about our responsibility to the earth and to all of the creatures who live here.  This year has been hard, but I think it is important to constantly remind myself that I am only one small cog in the great machine of the universe, and my most important work here, really, is to first do no harm, and next try to make things maybe just a little bit better than they were before. 

 We are all stewards of the earth and its creatures.  Every time we go on a hike, I wonder how different the landscape will be when Juniper is old enough to really remember the experience.  Whether she'll be able to snowshoe out the back door of our house when she is old enough.  How many more people and houses there will be dotting the landscape when she's an adult.  

I don't have any resolutions this year, but I maybe have some thoughts on how I'd like to see things go from here on out.  Cheers to 2013, friends.  

Christmas Random

We had a nice, if slightly overwhelming holiday this year. Here are some highlights according to all devices apple.

A Few Things

I've been pretty terrible at the blogging lately.  It's just so hard to sit at my computer when there is this cuteness to distract me.  

We go on winter break tomorrow.  It's funny how in our pre-Juniper life our breaks were always about how fast we could get out of dodge after our last commitments on campus.  Things have changed.  It's funny, before you have kids you kind of think of the whole "things change when you have a baby" idea to be something negative.  Really though, it isn't.  The rhythm of life is always changing.  Staying stagnant and doing the same thing over and over doesn't cause any growth.  I don't think we can discover our true purpose in this world unless we are constantly growing, changing and adapting.  
So, this will be a quieter break for us.  We still have plans to do some camping and day trips around SoCal, but overall we will try and embrace just being home, not having to rush out the door with everything the three of us need for a day away from home and from each other. 

The other day I was at the market and a woman was there with her three-month-old baby.  I kid you not, I almost wept while I was standing in line.  This little baby had orchestra conductor hands, and the wide-eyed stare of a tiny human just beginning to see the world around him without really knowing what any of it means.  It hit me that my baby isn't a teeny tiny anymore, and I know this is just the beginning of those moment, man is it rough!  

On the lymphedema front: we had a physical therapy appointment last week, and we met with the sales rep from Solaris.  They make a night garment that is worn instead of wrapping.  It's a big convenience, with a big price tag.  However, Solaris  does something that is pretty awesome (and from their perspective probably guarantees them a customer for life) and they offer kids under four with lymphedema one free garment a year, and if you need to buy another in the year (which with a little you probably will need to do) you pay 25% of wholesale cost.  The rep brought a sample for us to check out, and they are actually really cute.  They look like little baby ugg boots, sans sheepskin lining, and they are really soft- the same cannot be said for the lining, foam and bandages involved in wrapping.  The only weird thing about our appointment was that the rep mentioned that they recommend getting one to put on the child's good leg so 'they don't feel a difference between the two legs.'  Now, I could be wrong as Juniper can't tell me yet, but I am pretty sure that she feels a difference in her legs inherently seeing as one is about 25% bigger than the other.  Needless to say, we will not be taking following that particular recommendation.   

We are hoping that we get ours by Christmas.  Please keep your fingers crossed that Juniper likes it, because if she does, friends it would change our lives.  No more struggling to keep her still while we wrap her, and she could wear it during nap time because it is so quick to put on, and (I cannnot believe that this was not my first thought) when she is a little older she will probably be able to put it on herself.  This last point I anticipate to be a pretty big deal. 

I think it will be a big deal because Little Miss already likes to do. things. herself.  When she is eating she wants to hold the spoon and put it in her own mouth.  This creates pretty much a disaster of whatever she is eating because she isn't so good at just grabbing for the spoon handle instead of the part of the spoon with the food on it, but she is actually pretty efficient (if messy) at getting the spoon in her mouth.  We're also sitting up over here, so lots of growing and adapting and changing.