Birthday and a Recipe

One year ago today I became a mama, and I am so thankful for my sweet girl who teaches me something new each day.  

The past year went much differently than I imagined it would one year ago.  Things weren’t as carefree as I would have hoped, and there was more sadness than there should have been. But.

There has been so much good, and while it’s true that being a parent stretches you in ways you didn’t think were possible, the good is so good. 

We had a fun party for J yesterday.  She had her first bite of cake, got great gifts, and got to see family from far away, and I think I managed to absorb the actual moments, and be present. 

Last night when I was putting her to bed, I told her how the next morning she would be one year old, and how happy I am to get to be her mama.  I think she understood, because she woke up in the middle of the night and would not go back to sleep anywhere other than lying on my chest.  As if to say, ‘it’s okay mama, don’t worry, I’m still your little baby for a while longer yet.’

Now for a little recipe...

I searched for literally months for the right first birthday cake for Juniper.  I went back and forth about whether to make it from coconut flour, or from soaked flour, and I had a really hard time finding something that didn't have nut flour, sugar, honey, or a bunch of semi-complicated steps.   A few weeks ago she had coconut flour pancakes and loved them.  That sealed the deal.  For her special day I thought including her old standby favorite, banana, would be a good call.  The recipe I used is technically a banana bread recipe, but, really, banana bread is just cake without frosting, so with a cream cheese frosting, sweetened with maple syrup, we had a cake that was enjoyed by all.  This is the lightest, most 'normal' flour tasting recipe I've had using coconut flour.  Sifting is a KEY step!

Paleo First Birthday Banana Cake
Adapted from mygutsy.com
I got one (thin) 6 inch cake and 9 cupcakes

Cake

3/4 c coconut flour, sifted

1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp sea salt

2 tsp cinnamon

4 pastured eggs

6 T melted butter (or coconut oil)

3 really ripe bananas

5 T grade B maple syrup

1 T vanilla

Preheat the oven to 300.  Line pans with parchment, -or- butter and flour your pans (using regular flour.  Obviously this is not paleo, but I don't think coconut flour would work to release the cake from the pans).  Sift flour. Whisk together dry ingredients.  Beat bananas until smooth, add butter until combined, add eggs, maple syrup, and vanilla and beat until well combined.  Stir in dry ingredients until just evenly moist.  Pour batter into pans.  This batter does not rise or even out during baking, so smooth the top of the batter as best you can.  Bake for about an hour, until edges are brown and coming away from the sides of the pan, and a toothpick inserted comes out clean.  Let cool in pans for at least 15 minutes, then allow to cool completely out of pans on a rack.  Refrigerating before frosting would probably be easiest.  

Frosting
12 oz organic, cultured, cream cheese, room temp
9 T butter, room temp
2 T organic raw sugar (or to taste)1/4- 1/3 grade B maple syrup
1 tsp no alcohol vanilla (I use TJs brand)

Combine all ingredients and beat until well combined and a little fluffy.  Check for sweetness and add more sugar or maple syrup if desired.  I like a tangy cream cheese frosting, but you might like it sweeter. You could probably do the maple syrup on its own, but I was worried about it thinning the frosting too much, and overall there is a very small amount of cane sugar in the recipe.

For this cake, I recommend doing a thin 'crumb layer' of frosting, refrigerating cake until cold, and then adding your final layer of frosting. 

Tracking

Animal tracking is something I'd never really heard of before Daniel and his family introduced me to it. The Gray boys can get lost for hours staring at a small patch of dirt, deducing what animals came through, where they were going, and where they were coming from.  Sometimes I really enjoy tagging along, sometimes it's boring for me.  It all depends on the day I guess.  
Juniper hadn't logged too much outdoor ground time until recently.  This summer we were so worried about bugs and sun that we generally kept her in her peapod when we were all outside together.  Last weekend we had somewhat of an impromptu picnic in a grassy park.  It was only then that we realized Juniper had never really been able to explore grass before; our yard isn't grassy and really grass does not abound anywhere we usually spend time.  She thought it was pretty cool and made for a not-so-tasty snack.  Juniper has been really using her pincer grasp lately, so tiny blades of grass and pine needles are excellent toys.  

Yesterday afternoon, we loaded up to go tracking with Cobo (grandpa for the uninitiated).  I erroneously forgot the baby carrier at home so we just carried Juniper in our arms to the tracking destination just a few hundred yards off the road, and set her on a blanket.  She didn't stay put for too long because not only did the pine needles beckon to her, so did the dirt.  

Mmmmmmm, tasty, tasty dirt.  She basically dove face-first into the sandy dirt surrounding her and got a huge mouthful.  I wouldn't say that she liked it (she did let me wipe her mouth out with a damp bandana), but she didn't really complain, and seemed rather pleased with herself.  

okay, mama, I guess you can take these hunks of gravel out of my mouth

After some dirt sampling, she moved onto pine needle sampling.  I think she is maybe, sort of, starting to move out of the everything-goes-in-the-mouth phase (I realize that seems ridiculous to say given this post is about her dining on dirt, but there you go).  She did try out the pine needles, but she was definitely more interested in moving each one with her fingers, breaking them in half, and grabbing for new ones.  

So far, she doesn't seem worse for the wear.  There has been, um, evidence that she did in fact eat and swallow some dirt, but otherwise all is well. I guess she just needed some more minerals in her diet?

Photos by G Gray, 2013

Happiness

I was grappling over the weekend with my experience staying home with Juniper on Tuesday.  I felt so calm, accomplished and, yes, tired, but in a good way at the end of the day.  The only thing I feel after a work day lately is tired.  Why is that?  I know I love being home with my daughter, doing mom-y and home-y things, but I couldn't, and still can't, help but feel like there is more to it than that.  Specifically, is there anything that I could be doing differently to help me feel more like how I'd like to feel after a day of work?
Unfortunately, I didn't come up with any new strategies to try while we were hiking (when I do my best thinking).  I do think that part of my satisfaction when I'm home comes from the fact that while, yes, I am doing productive work around the home, it is work that I do not have to do.  Like, I make sauerkraut at home because I think it's healthy to eat fermented vegetables, and it is much cheaper to make them at home than it is to buy them, but I don't have to make sauerkraut.  I don't have to make yogurt.  I don't have to sew Juniper a dress or knit her a sweater.  I do those things because I want to, and because I enjoy it, but my family's sustenance and warmth don't depend on it.  100 years ago, I might not have gotten the same kind of satisfaction from these activities because I would have had to do them or my family would go naked, or our garden's bounty have gone to waste.

I do have to go to work.  I think no matter how much you enjoy your profession, how much you think it matters in the world, it is still work.  Teaching is a special brand because it is often a rarity that you leave the classroom feeling like you really achieved a lot that day.  You don't really know what you've accomplished, being a teacher, until well after the fact, or sometimes never.  There's not a 'everything is in its place, and my to-do list is tackled, and all is well' kind of a feeling at the end of each day.  If anything, it is quite the opposite, where each day only reveals how much more there is to be done, and how inadequate your efforts in helping young minds unfold are.
I need to find some middle ground here.  I am, mostly, at peace with the fact that I have to work, and I am happy that I have work which allows me so much time to spend with Juniper and with my family.  Yet, I am still not feeling balanced about it.  There are still some sticky places to be smoothed out. My baby girl turned eight months old yesterday.  Time is so fleeting, and I think it's time to try and get some of that smoothing sorted out, or at least make some more peace with the stickyness.

PHFR

Pretty

Juniper was pretty sick, so I stayed home on Tuesday.  Turns out when you are not the ill person, you can get a lot done when you are home with no husband to distract you, and no prospect of leaving the house since you are caring for a wee ill person.  

I got some sauerkraut going in my new vegetable fermentation jar, I soaked and dried some almonds, made yogurt, and cleaned my house.  Think of all I could accomplish if pesky work did not get in the way.  I tried to bring some of that same enthusiasm to my afternoon when I got home on Wednesday, and it wasn't happening.  

{Happy}

I think the cabbage looks pretty happy in its new home, don't you?

{Funny}

Don't worry, while there is video coverage of this culinary event, I will spare you

Juniper had salmon for dinner last night.  She totally loved it.  I've been wanting to give her salmon for a couple of weeks, but I've been afraid to because Daniel was allergic to fish and shellfish as a kid.  I, on the other hand, have/had no allergies at all.  I got over my fear and gave her a small amount last night to test the waters, and I don't think she had a bad reaction at all.  I'm pretty stoked because this opens up a whole other realm of food possibilities for her, and she's getting good fats and brain fuel.  

Not sure if my face or hers is funnier

{Real}

Juniper has had the sniffles before and she, obviously, has had cellulitis a few times, but this was her first 'real' sickness.  Her fever got pretty high a couple of times, but always dropped once she napped or slept at night, but it is still unnerving to have a sick baby who can't communicate with you.  On top of that, her eczema was really bad and I was super-paranoid that her sickness was really another, bad attack of cellulitis.  She seems mostly in the clear now, but she does have kind of a bad cough still.  I'm hoping that clears up in the next few days.  

Her eczema is something that I've been worrying about the past few weeks.  All of my over-researching has led me to believe that it is really a manifestation of a food allergy, internal imbalance, or yeast issue.  I haven't done an elimination diet because, well, I really don't want to.  Yesterday, her skin looked way better, and this morning it was still looking good.  Of course I am a bad scientist and there are multiple variables that could have contributed to the improvement. 

First, she's been logging some serious quality time with the humidifier.  When I stayed home on Tuesday she was under its misty spell pretty much the whole day, and last night and Tuesday night she slept with it in her room.  Maybe it is just dryness and I'm over-thinking the whole food connection? Second, since she was feverish, I didn't have her in fleece jammies at night, just thick cotton ones.  I've read that eczema skin needs to breathe, so maybe the fleece was the issue (she wore fleece jammies last night, and her arms felt dry this morning).  Third, I haven't eaten eggs in four days.  Not on purpose, we just ran out, and it sometimes takes us a few days to coordinate getting pastured ones from the ranch.  I seriously hope it isn't the eggs, because I do love them, but I'd rather it be eggs than dairy for now.  I'm going to stay off eggs for a few more days, see how her skin does, and then add them back to see what happens.  It would be really awesome to get this figured out because the dry patches make her way more prone to cellulitis, and they can't be comfortable.  

Hope your weeks were great, friends!

Jump in

Well, after all that talking about it, I threw caution to the wind, went with my gut, and gave Juniper some avocado.

I don’t think love is even strong enough of a word for how she felt about it. She dove for the spoon. She smacked her lips with glee. The whole thing was very entertaining.

Then, after two days of avocado, we gave her sweet potato. Mind blown! Sweet potato made avocado look like the proverbial brussel sprout.

It’s amazing how after just two times with the spoon, she already is learning how to get the food off of it more easily.

We also tried practicing with the weaning glass. It proved to be more difficult, but mostly because she gets so excited to try and drink from it that she sort of launches herself at the glass, so it’s hard to try and help get the water in her mouth.

I'm glad we went for it.  She is really just having tastes when it comes down to it.  She is probably eating about a teaspoon or two of food total, and she nurses a normal for her amount when she is finished, but man does she seem to love it.  She gets super excited when we sit her in her high chair and set the table for her.  We ordered a Montessori weaning table for her, and we'll start using that instead of the high chair when it gets here next week. 

Yum.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

{pretty}

Remember when I said that I'd done some sewing for Juniper over the weekend?  Well it's done!  A little jumper to wear over a onesie and leggings.

This was our 'fitting' session.  The straps cross in the back and are attached with buttons.  I needed first to see where to actually put the buttonholes.  
I got brave and even used the buttonhole foot and stitch on my sewing machine (which was kind of a pain to figure out, but I am glad that I soldiered through- there will be more buttons around here from now on). 

I love that this fabric is slightly gothic for Halloween, but is not orange and black and covered in jack-o-lanterns.  I am sort of borderline on whether I think it is truly appropriate for a baby, but it turned out so cute that I think it doesn't matter.  Fabric is Nightshade by Tula Pink in the absinthe colorway (see, so not baby appropriate, but if you don't make a Halloween baby jumper with this fabric, what then do you make with it?).

I had to take a picture as soon as I finished, even though it was 9pm and not the best light.  It just adds to its ghoulishness, no?

I actually think it might also work as a skirt (with the straps tucked in) when she is bigger.  I got the pattern here.  I was a little wary of the whole pdf pattern thing, but it was very easy.  The pattern was great (I got two others as well), but I will say that although these are billed for the 'beginning seamstress', I was glad for my sewing experience.  Yes, it was a simple pattern, but there were some details missing from the instructions about how to execute certain steps.  This wasn't a problem for me because I've done things like make a placket before, but if it was your first time sewing a dress, you might be a little confused.  Overall though, I'd recommend their patterns.  

{happy}

My cooking continues!  I am so glad that I can actually cook dinner again, and now I even have ideas for what to cook.  It's amazing.  

This recipe is the kale salad from Heidi Swanson's Super Natural Every Day. [I highly recommend this cookbook.  It is full of such good ideas for flavor combinations, and it is divided into sections by meals- including one for snacks.  It is great inspiration]. It is really not a salad (to me) since it is baked and served warm, but it is so simple and so good. It's kale and coconut ribbons (so key rather than shredded coconut) and I added tempeh, dressed with sesame oil and soy sauce, and baked until the coconut gets golden.  

You toss it with more dressing when you pull it from the oven.  Next time I'd do more dressing if I did the tempeh again, as tempeh tends to suck up liquid.  

The flowers were brought to us by our sweet friends who had them leftover from an event.  They just drive around town dropping them off at people's houses.  

{funny}

Juniper is sitting up supported pretty well now, so we set up her high chair and gave it a go.  

She loves it.  She is so stoked to be with us at the table, and I am stoked that I don't have to have her in my lap for the entire meal.  

{real}

This is what I walked into during naptime a few weeks ago.  What mom?  I just wanted to say hello to my animals

Today has been a rough day in the lymphedema department.  We had our first therapy appointment in about a month and a half yesterday and we figured out what our strategy is going to be for getting Juniper into a compression garment during the day.  Right now our plan is to meet with reps from different companies starting in February-ish so we can decide which company to go with, and we'll get Juniper into something by the spring.  We decided we don't want to wait longer than that for a number of reasons. Mainly we don't want to have any regrets down the road about not trying it sooner, and because we feel that by getting her into a garment soon, it will become her normal, and this way we [might] avoid some struggle than if we waited to introduce it when she is, say, two.  The appointment was great and all, and our OT did a good wrap on Juniper's leg, and I did what I do every time: I got my hopes up.  This morning, her leg looked great, so small in fact that I could, for the first time since she was a newborn, see some definition on her thigh.  Then I picked Juniper up after work and her leg looked as big as ever.  It is what it is, I know this, but it doesn't make it easier.  

This face, however, does make things easier

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

A blog I've read for awhile now does a Thursday linkup, and this week I thought I'd join in, mostly because I'd like to include the non-doctor related aspects of our life too.  Here goes:

{pretty}

We got a lot of gardening done last week, and then we've had a lot of rain (for us here) so my plants are  happy (and pretty).  I will not, however, show you the ones that the tiny fawn promptly snacked on the day after we planted them- those are decidedly not pretty.  I guess the baby didn't understand that spirea and sage are 'deer resistant.'

Kale and swiss chard seedlings.  I stupidly did not plant a vegetable garden this spring, so I'm hoping we can get a small fall harvest.  

{happy}

I started cooking again!  Daniel has taken on the majority of the chef-ing in our house since I had Juniper, and I have to say I really don't know how women with husbands who don't cook manage in those first few weeks.  But, it had gotten to the point where I was just out of my cooking groove and I really just needed to get over it.  My favorite tomato and basil salad that my grandad made every summer.  Last night I even made a full meal and the sky didn't fall!  Huzzah!

Sadly, these tomatoes are not from my garden, but were delicious heirlooms from the farmers' market.  Basil was , however, from our garden

{funny}

I got the bumbo potty seat this week, and it's a big hit.  I'm not a fan of the regular bumbo seats for babies, but for little EC babies this seat is awesome.  Daniel just laughs every time she's on it.  Photos do not do the hilarity justice.  

{real}

We found out after  our hour long drive and arriving at therapy that our appointment on Monday was cancelled.  

We improvised and did Juniper's massage on the table outside.  Waiting around for three hours until her next doctor's appointment wasn't super-fun, but we're done with 3 x weekly therapy appointments now so we got over it pretty quickly.  

This is actually a pretty good shot of me doing the massage on J's thigh right after we took her bandage off

So, that was pretty much our week.  I had a meeting on campus yesterday which was definitely a reality check that going back to work is coming up soon.  I should probably start prepping....